Thank you for visiting my page. Recently, I have decided to pause my consulting and move my life in a different direction. I am still as committed as ever to racial equity, social justice, and personal and collective transformation. I believe that the path I am on will strengthen my ability to be my best self and ultimately show up more meaningfully in my work. If you’re interested in learning more about my current journey, please read my below letter: Choosing a Different Path. Peace and love to you.
“Don’t ask yourself what the world needs. Ask yourself what makes you come alive, and go do that, because what the world needs is people who have come alive.” – Howard Thurman
I have known for some time now that my calling is to help make the world better. My ideas of how to manifest this have shifted over time as my understanding of myself and the world have evolved. What I now know — though I’m sure this too will evolve, is that I am called to help individuals and communities heal, restore, and transform. I believe deeply that hurt people, hurt people and that much of the pain and destruction of the world is caused by people in pain. Most often, those in pain hurt themselves as they operate out of their adaptive strategies, fear, and insecurities. I have witnessed firsthand the importance of healing as I myself have struggled to find peace and contentment despite my increasing attainment of all that our society claims should bring it.
For more than a decade now I have been on a journey of healing, self-awareness, and spiritual awakening. In many ways my intentional movement down this path was necessitated by my trauma. My longing for peace, restoration and wellness has driven me to discover the truth of who I am underneath and beyond what has happened to me. My fight for my life has pushed me deeper and deeper inside of myself grasping for signs that I am enough. Signs that peace is possible. Signs that hope and transcendence is possible. I have become an inner seeker. And I have made many discoveries.
One discovery is how little “living” I have done during my lifetime. I have fallen victim to the over-emphasis in our society on productivity, capitalistic notions of success, and distorted expressions of growth. These distortions encourage disconnection with oneself and others. They also cultivate an ever-present sentiment of insufficiency. Self-acceptance and gratitude are increasingly difficult to attain in a society which tries to convince us that our worth is tied to our work and our earnings. And because there is always someone with more money and prestige than us, who we are and where we are is made to feel inadequate. This is exacerbated for those of us who are Black, Indigenous or other people of color, women, LGBTQ, poor, or differently-abled. But even for the wealthy, white cis-gendered, able-bodied male this way of living leaves much to be desired. It leave many of us trapped in an everlasting cycle of overwork and pushing for more. I have decided to hop off this train.
“To create the world you want to see, you must first create that world within you.” – Rev. Nelson Pierce Jr.
The truth is I am tired. The deeper I go on my healing journey, the more unbearable this way of “living” has become. It is time for me to slow down and choose a different path. For me this means letting go of many of my commitments and resisting the smokescreen lure of capitalism and systems of oppression. It means refusing to believe the false narratives that try to convince me that “living” means being endlessly busy, or that pausing is the equivalent of turning my back on the movement for liberation, on Black people, and on the community. Slowing down means acknowledging that while I am not wealthy I have enough and therefore I do not need to maintain numerous side hustles or consulting gigs in addition to my career. It means making a commitment to focus my attention inward to myself, God and my family. This is hard because so much of what I “do” is focused on inter-sectional, Black liberation and social justice. But I must choose this path. In doing so, I hope to move closer to possessing an embodied practice of the healing and restoration I so often proclaim is so utterly important and needed in the world today.
I imagine this path will be riddled with challenges. I am not entering it under the belief that it will be easy or fun. After all, I grew up poor, so hustle was survival. Not to mention, the more space I create to sit with myself, the more of me I have to face. While I have been facing myself for a while now, I am sure new parts of me will be discovered. I will have to battle the fear that tells me that I am “falling behind” my peers, or letting “once in a lifetime” opportunities pass me by. I will have to battle my fear which says that if I don’t hustle and stack I will end up once again poor. I will have to strengthen my resolve to ignore those who tell me I am making a mistake. I will have to resist the lure of the movement. So no, this path will not be easy. But nothing worth having is ever easily attained. But I have faith. I have faith that this process will be transformative. I am trusting that through it I will find deeper meaning within myself allowing me to shine more brightly in the world.
I am grateful for this opportunity. I do not take it lightly. I know I am privileged to have the ability to create this space. I know what it feels like to be in the throws of financial, familial, and communal struggle. I know what it feels like to skip meals. I know what it feels like be constantly moving hoping to stay one step above eviction. I know what it feels like to be a first gen college student who has to tell her residence hall director she doesn’t know where to go “home” to during the mandatory winter break hall evacuation because her mother was evicted. I know what it feels like to be a single mother, on welfare, struggling to pay bills. I know what it’s like to struggle through grad school with an infant, working two jobs while attending class full time. Then, I could not slow down. I could not take a moment to look around me and ask myself what more is possible. Today I can. And I am utterly grateful for this opportunity. I am grateful for my living wage job, my steady and supportive fiancé, my church family, my community, and my beloved and most beautiful son who surrounds me in this moment. Because of God and all of you I am able to choose a different path.
Until our paths cross again…